English Names for Koreans

Kelly has been holding down the posting so it's time I try to pick it back up a bit, a little something to tide you over while we're on vacation.

Most of the kids at our school have normal names. Sam is popular. Ladies like Sally, Alice and Sarah. Daniel, Jack, Steven, Catherine, Katie, the list goes on and on. Candy owns a disproportiate market share for some reason, but that's not absurd in North America. Of course, there are exceptions.

Some students don't have English names when they sign up for class, so that leaves naming them in the sometimes capable hands of us foreign teachers. We all have different methods for naming them, and they usually involve some sad inside joke (the kid is always as far outside the joke as is possible). Kelly's latest have been Snoop in honour of the incomparable Ornob Dey and Toby for the spineless HR rep from The Office (although the little man insists that it's spelt "Tody").

I have settled on naming kids after my favourite Toronto Raptors and Indy Colts. I give them a list on the board to choose from, and other students are free to offer suggestions too. So far I have several Sams (Mitchell), Chris (Bosh), TJ (Ford), Jose (Calderon), Anthony (Parker), Carlos (Delfino), Peyton (Manning), Reggie (Wayne), Freddy (Keiaho), Kelvin (Hayden), and a Bob (Sanders). I have a few Brians, but I need to change one to Bryan-with-a-Y in honour of Mr. Colangelo. I also dubbed one shy middle schooler Jamal, another Bernie (after Frank and Mitch were refused), and one final ass that refused to choose a name is now Nothing. I was in a stripper phase for a while so Misty and Ivy came about. The hardest sells have proven to be Marvin, Jorge, and Andrea. As much respect for Bargnani as I have, I feel bad naming a boy what any other English speaker would think is a woman's name.

Most of the kids we name are older students who don't care about English (hence them not having English names to begin) so I don't feel too bad about naming a Korean kid 'Jose'. If it was someone with an English future it would be a different story.

There are many great names at our school. One is Young for the attendence sheet but Grandfather Washington in reality. Andy, who is notoriously anti-fun in the view of the students, refused to change White's name to Chicken Stone Head. When Jeremy finally allowed it, he soon wanted to go back to White which Jeremy gleefully refused. Kelly has had Spiderman, Golden Pig, Ace, Tiger, Limerick, and Kiwi. I have had Coca & Cola (who came up with it together), Jewelery, Piggy, K (male), and Roll (female). One kid claims his name is Hell, but Andy refused so he remains Hey You until he picks something different.

The branch down the subway line in Gireum has some classics. Apparently Beckham is big there. Our friend Mark who left had a difficult time getting students to pick names until he found out that they all liked the computer game Starcraft. Soon he had a Command Centre, Docking Station, and Missile. The first day of a new semester brought him a kid whose name was spelt Allen. Turned out that was a misprint and the dude was Alien.

The days with new students are always the best, especially if they don't already have an English name.